“Opportunity seldom rises with blood pressure.”

“I’d rather go into a competition as the underdog. Less pressure to perform, and more motivation.”

“The rent should rise with the elevator.”

“The problem with Marxism is the proletariat isn’t going to rise up against capitalism and consumerism. The only time they’ll rise up is during a commercial break to either go to the bathroom or grab more beer.
”

“I’m hypoglycemic and squeamish and liable to pass out at the first sign of blood. That happened this morning. I came into the kitchen and found blood on the floor, right next to a few dead hookers.”

“I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself.”

“What you’d call stealing, I’d call a mistake. Or, if I were a politician, I’d call it an opportunity, and my privilege.”