“Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plaid mustache.”

“By day I’m a dishwasher in a suit. By night I’m a dishwasher in pajamas.”

“The love doctor, Orafoura, says there are two things that a guy can do to promote a healthy relationship: One, grow out a handlebar mustache, and two, grow a mullet. I don’t know, will radiating lust make me a better lover?”

“Orafoura doesn’t know shit about what I said, said Orafoura, quoting The Mythical Mr. Boo to me about the shit that’s been said about him.”

“I am Orafoura and he is me. And he is not me. And I am not me. Or him. And I am in love and not in love, and all at once—and twice.”

“I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22”

“Orafoura was yelling at his dog (not a German shepherd) in German, and I thought, “I didn’t realize dogs can speak German.”