“Pa extended his paw as if to say, “I’m here, and I’m human.” What else could I do but say, “Meow.”

“I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?”

“When I’m tired, I say, “I’m calling it a night.” Well, what else am I going to call it? Nathan?”

“Love is to beer as I am to drunk. And you say I’m not romantic. Shoot, I’m so romantic I could just puke.”

“10% ago I was 90% unsure of what I didn’t want to do. Now I’m just 33.3% sure that I’m 66.6% unsure. And I can say this with .1% certainty.”

“I’m in like Flynn, as the saying goes. But why is it going? It just got here.”

“Turn the fan off when I’m talking. It not only makes my words colder, but it distorts and dilutes what I’m saying.”