“Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.”

“Two one-armed people might seem perfect for each other, but what if they’re both missing the same arm? Then even something simple like holding hands while walking becomes a case of they’re too similar to see themselves really going anywhere as a couple.
”

“I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress.”

“For being so ugly, I think God should reward me handsomely. He should give me the tender hands of a lover—and not those of a self-lover.”

“Word of mouth is often louder than word of hand, although applause can be deafening. I clap like Helen Keller drank coffee—with two spoonfuls of silence.”

“I’m putty in her hands. Out of her hands, I’m more like clay.
”

“We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars).”