“People always say I have hands as large as the Roman Empire. I guess it just goes with the territory. Romance, it’s all in the gloves.”

“It’s spring now, and I was just thinking that I haven’t been in love since the fall. The fall of the Roman Empire.”

“I inherited my sense of passion and romance from the Romans. Specifically Nero and all the fire he possessed.”

“Love, like lightning, can strike anytime. That’s why I say tinfoil is not just for leftovers—it’s for channeling romance into your life.”

“I like movies that keep me guessing until the end. I always guess flowers, because no matter what type of movie, whether romance, mystery, or horror, nobody suspects the flowers.”

“I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.”

“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.”