“People are like puzzles. Especially interconnected people, like Siamese twins.”

“Siamese twins have it great because one can jack off while the other talks dirty.”

“When I walk my dog, people always ask if we’re twins.”

“33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins.”

“I like watching other people watching other people.”

“To some dogs I don’t like cats, to some cats I don’t like dogs, and to some people I don’t like. Mostly the people I don’t like are lawyers, lobbyists, and politicians.”

“Schrödinger’s cat was a Siamese cat, must have been, because if it’s at once alive and dead, it’s a zombie, and the only zombie cats are Siamese cats.”