“People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple. I have brains, heart, courage, and most importantly, I have ruby red slippers.”

“My father taught me the most important thing about wisdom—that I was going to have to acquire it from other people. So without teaching me, he taught me how to learn from others.”

“When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours.”

“She asked me if I was seeing anybody else, and I said, No, the other woman is invisible.”

“I saw her at the party last Saturday. I could tell by her body language that she wanted me. She was wearing a shirt that said, “I want you Jarod.” I left alone that night. Come Sunday morning, I found out that she went home with Jarod Wheedlebreeder. I guess the bonds of Jarod aren’t as tight as I thought.”

“I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time." What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?”

“-I have this friend—you don’t know him—but—
-Is his name Molloway?
-No.
-Oh. I don’t know anybody named Molloway, so that’s why I was asking.”