“People come and people go, but only a magical person can come and go at the same time.”

“I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out is political rhetoric.”

“Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs and then come back up? Same destination, same distance, same amount of work, but two different paths. Who knows, I might find love on one path. Probably the path I don’t choose. 
”

“Taxes and Texas—they have the same letters, but only one can go to hell.”

“Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.”

“When it comes to Schopenhauer, I think I need a To-Go box.”

“A volt is a measure of power, and the same can be said when people revolt.”