“People who die in Detroit and then go to hell probably think they’re in heaven. I know, because I’ve been to Cleveland.
”

“I wonder what city Grover Cleveland is from. Probably Cincinnati.”

“I’ve often been told I fight like a girl, probably because from the moment I whip off my bra, my opponent knows I mean business.”

“I’m angry as hell. I’m angry for all the people who should be angry but aren’t, either because they’re too stupid or too timid.”

“I’ve been meaning to go shopping for boxing gloves, but I’ve been putting it off. I just need to knock it out and be done with it.”

“In a depression, attendance to sporting events goes down, while the percentage of people fornicating goes up, because sex is free. I know, some of you are probably thinking, Free! Where do I find those hookers?!”

“A blanket could be used to wipe away my tears. But it’d better be a blanket the size of America, because I’ve been crying since Andrew Jackson died.
”