“Pepperoni looks so much like nipples that I can’t eat pizza without getting horny.”

“Right now I’m naked, like how my pizza comes out of the oven. I like my toppings like I like my women: topless. I love me some pepperoni.”

“In high school they called me “Pizza Face.” Not because I had bad acne, though I did, but because I always wore pepperoni and mushrooms on my face.”

“I like cardboard. Of course, I have to be in the mood to eat Pizza Hut.”

“I'm allergic to fingers, so I have to eat pizza with my feet. You should see me eat on the run.”

“With the rising cost of food, either the portions get smaller, or the quality gets inferior. So, for example, pizza that used to taste like cardboard now tastes like carpet. Unvacuumed carpet, because I asked for lots of toppings.”

“I can throw an orange like a baseball, but I can’t eat a baseball like an orange. Let that be a life lesson for you.”