“Pizza is circular. So is an hour. I’ll take two slices—to go.”

“Make pizza, not war. No matter how you slice it, that’s wise.”

“A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunce to go stand in the corner, he won’t feel so stupid and will know where to go.
”

“Taxidermy and taxes go together like peanut butter and sodomy. Can somebody get me two slices of bread?”

“When two are united as one, I’ll be there. And so will someone else.”

“One day I want to be so wealthy I can say to my wife, “let’s take a drive—to the end of our driveway and back” and have that be a two-hour round trip.”

“I’ll never go hungry, because I’m a pet owner and a meat eater. I used to own broccoli, but taking it for a walk in the park didn’t work out so well. 
”