“Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published before Pluto was blacklisted by planetary scientists.”

“This book does not exist. And if that doesn’t deter you from buying it, then I’m also selling frozen alien flesh, a patch of Bigfoot’s fur, and a patch of land on Pluto (limit one per customer).
”

“I want to publish a book on toilet paper—not only about toilet paper, but actually print it on toilet paper. That way nobody will be surprised by how shitty my book is.”

“I want to type one of my books into a free online translation website, and convert it from English to German and then publish the results as an exercise in the absurd.”

“Books allow you to take flight, unlike the chicken wings I stapled to my back before eating them.”

“I’m an open book—an open book I’m still writing and editing. My book is a romance novel, sort of like The Secret.”

“There are lots of great ideas in my book, but as a cohesive unit, my book is only held together with glue at the spine.
 Or it would be, if it weren’t an ebook.”