“Pulling your head out of your ass is better than pulling your head out of a lawyer’s ass. (Limit one coupon per customer).”

“My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that.”

“Say 'pop.'" "Pop?" "That was the sound of me pulling your head out of your ass.”

“It’s your ass on the line. Grab it thinly.”

“With a tough decision, the act of flipping a coin allows you to figure out which you really prefer, because as the coin is spinning, you find yourself slightly pulling for either heads or tails. No need to follow the coin’s outcome—choose the side your subconscious hoped fate would favor.”

“Sitting on my ass all day long is fun and all, but I’d rather sit on your ass. More padding, like an overstuffed sofa.”

“As long as you are wearing a hat made out of shingles, you’ll always have a roof over your head.”