“Question for your life: If love covered as much of the earth’s surface as the oceans, would you still urinate in your wetsuit?”

“Question for your life: What is the price of love, and would you rather tally it with an abacus or an early 90s calculator watch?”

“Question for your life: If love existed an octave above where your vocal range ended, would you buy a dog whistle to get my attention?”

“Question for your life: If the man of your dreams existed in two dimensions only, would you try to print duplicates of him?”

“Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying it doesn’t, would you consider invading Russia in the middle of winter wearing only shorts?”

“Question for your life: If we were to kiss passionately for 30 minutes, would you refill my oxygen tank in the process?”

“Question for your life: If there were a fountain machine that dispensed destruction instead of soda, would you grab an extra large cup?”