“Question for your life: If the man of your dreams existed in two dimensions only, would you try to print duplicates of him?”

“Question for your life: If love existed an octave above where your vocal range ended, would you buy a dog whistle to get my attention?”

“Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying it doesn’t, would you consider invading Russia in the middle of winter wearing only shorts?”

“Question for your life: If love covered as much of the earth’s surface as the oceans, would you still urinate in your wetsuit?”

“Question for your life: Would you rather be the first female U.S. President, the first woman to walk on the moon, or the first woman to be courted by two clones who looked like Christian Bale?”

“You wouldn’t try to mow your lawn with an electric razor, like it was a green beard, so why would you try to deny the existence of nonexistence?
”

“I could be the man of your dreams. I could also be the alarm clock, stealing you away from the man of your dreams.”