“Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying it doesn’t, would you consider invading Russia in the middle of winter wearing only shorts?”

“Question for your life: If the man of your dreams existed in two dimensions only, would you try to print duplicates of him?”

“Your face influences your life, because it effects how people treat you. Sometimes you don’t have to be king to be treated like royalty—you only have to look like the king.”

“Question for your life: Would you rather be the first female U.S. President, the first woman to walk on the moon, or the first woman to be courted by two clones who looked like Christian Bale?”

“Question for your life: If love covered as much of the earth’s surface as the oceans, would you still urinate in your wetsuit?”

“I’ll wait until your mouth is full of food before I ask you a question. I’m like a dentist.”

“Question for your life: If love existed an octave above where your vocal range ended, would you buy a dog whistle to get my attention?”