“Question for your life: What is the price of love, and would you rather tally it with an abacus or an early 90s calculator watch?”

“Question for your life: If love covered as much of the earth’s surface as the oceans, would you still urinate in your wetsuit?”

“Question for your life: Would you rather be the first female U.S. President, the first woman to walk on the moon, or the first woman to be courted by two clones who looked like Christian Bale?”

“As much as I would love to know what you know, I’d much rather eat your brain with a spoon.”

“Question for your life: If love existed an octave above where your vocal range ended, would you buy a dog whistle to get my attention?”

“If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person who’d swim through it, or would you rather eat it? As for me, pass me my Speedo, and a spoon.”

“Question for your life: If the man of your dreams existed in two dimensions only, would you try to print duplicates of him?”