“Renaldina told Renaldo and Renaldo told me, so that’s two points for possible miscommunication, especially when you consider that she’s deaf and he’s blind, so it went through two language variations and two incompatible methods of travel, like mule to submarine.”

“You have to slow down with this woman, because the moment she slows down and stops, she’ll die. She’s like a shark.” That’s what I told Renaldo, but how was I to know his girlfriend was literally a shark?”

“So you just went in and told him to give you two Cokes and he gave them to you?" "No, I didn't just go in and tell him to give me two Cokes. I asked for a Coke for me and a Coke for the skinny thug sitting on the library steps.”

“And as the years flowed by, some villagers told travelers of a beast and a beauty who lived in the castle and could be seen walking on the battlements, and others told of two beauties, and others, of two beasts.”

“Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight.”

“Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else.”