“Renaldo once made a sex tape, and even fully erect, he still had to shoot it four times just to get some "footage.”

“Accidental sex. He made it sound like I fell down, and there just happened to be an erection in the way.”

“The Worldwide Parental Anxiety System is failing if this many of us have made sex tapes.”

“I kind of love Colin Farrell again. I think it started with In Bruges. No, I’m lying. It started when I saw a clip of his sex tape where he’s manning the camera and instead of getting all Sex Tape-y, he goes, quite genuinely, “GOD, I’m a TERRIBLE cinematographer.”

“There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your penis.This was not one of those times.”

“But man is still today, at the age of twenty-five, at the mercy of an erection, physically too, from time to time, it's the common lot, even I was not immune, if that can be called an erection. It did not escape her naturally, women smell a rigid phallus ten miles away and wonder, How on earth did he spot me from there?”