“Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?
”

“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in my hot coffee. While you’re at it, I also like sugar in my coffee.”

“If coffee meant vagina, I’d ask you if you wanted cream in your coffee. But it doesn’t mean that, so I’ll just sit here and continue sipping my mug full of steaming vagina.”

“I tried to wear my shirt while it was still on the hanger. That’s just the kind of morning person I am with no coffee.”

“The zipper on my crotch is an air vent. I need some way to cool down my hot coffee.”

“The early morning is too strong to drink straight, so I need to mix in a little coffee to be able to hold it down.”

“I need your help. Hold this water balloon while I pee in it.”