“Right now I have a milk mustache. I grew it on a cattle ranch, and then glued it to my face.”

“I grew a mustache, and I grew it in my garden. My mustache is organic, and will taste tasty on your mouth.”

“I have a mustache like a squirrel and you just ran over my face.”

“Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.”

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy One Mustache, Get One Half Off deal. So he kept the full mustache, and gave me the half stache. It looks more like an eyebrow than a mustache.”

“I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22”

“My facial hair is imperative. I put the must in mustache.”