“Scars are proof man isn’t perfect, though constantly getting closer.”

“A cop is closer to a garbage man than he is to a lawyer. The cop isn’t in the middle of the two—he’s on top, with the lawyer being well below the garbage man.”

“When thinking about yesterday, contrasted with today, I can’t help but observe that today by definition means I’m one day closer to death. I just hope that one day isn’t tomorrow.”

“From afar they looked like sexy legs, until I got closer and saw they belonged to a man, not an Amanda.”

“Even though I buried our love in a coffin, it isn’t dead. No, our love is very much alive. Or at least it was yesterday, when I went to visit the cemetery.”

“The cause isn’t worth getting up for, but it is worth sleeping for. Just trying to do my part to help humanity.”

“Drive, guy. That green light isn’t going to get a deeper green. It’ll only ripen and turn yellow.”