“Scars exist to show that I existed. I myself don’t have any scars, but every single one of my friends has a healed up knife wound deep in their back.
”

“I’d kill for any one of my friends. Thankfully for the overpopulated prison system, I don’t have any friends.”

“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in love with her. But she didn’t even know I existed, just as I didn’t know my clone existed. I still don’t know he exists.”

“On the subject of how to make friends, I would give you some tips, but I just don’t have any. Oh, I have plenty of tips, but I don’t have any friends.”

“I’m always amazed that my twin has the same birthday as me, and that he doesn’t exist. I wonder if I exist?”

“You can’t help who your parents are or aren’t. My parents aren’t—they don’t exist and have never existed.”

“I respect my elders, but I don’t respect the Myelders, who are my neighbors, because they are so neglectful of their lawn that it’s like they don’t even exist.”