“Schrödinger’s cat was a Siamese cat, must have been, because if it’s at once alive and dead, it’s a zombie, and the only zombie cats are Siamese cats.”

“Cats like to cuddle more than any other living creature, including zombies, which are only half dead.”

“Dinner is served. It’s chicken lo mein. Oh and by the way, your cat is missing.”

“I’ve gone astray. It’s better to cook with a stray than eat your own cat.”

“It’s not fun to pet cats when you’ve already poured gravy on them, and you’re holding silverware.”

“My writing, it’s all I have. Well, aside from my health. And shelter, food, and clothing. Oh, and my cat.”

“I won't read a book whose pages have been dog-eared, because I'm more of a cat person.”