“Science, where would scientists be without it? They’d probably still be in my basement, where I left them a few minutes ago.”

“I keep my fears chained up in the basement, along with a few of my foes.”

“Dancing? Not only do I have two left feet, but they’re different sizes. And I don’t put them in shoes—I store them in glass jars in my basement.”

“The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot.”

“There are few things in this world I have left to hang on to, and one of them is my ball sack.”

“If my doctor told me I only had five minutes to live, I’d probably change all the clocks in my house, because they’re all five minutes fast and I want to know exactly how much time I have left so I can use it wisely.”

“Five minutes ago it was five minutes late, and my watch is five minutes slow.”