“She asked me if I wanted to have sex, and I replied, “With you, or in general?”

“You want to tell me what this is? she asked as she gabbed my erection. “A miracle of science,” I replied.”

“While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him "Do you ever think about having sex with me because you are gay?" to which he replied "Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.”

“I have such a horror of telegrams that ask me how I am!! I always want to reply dead.”

“do you have to sit so close?" she asked on a ragged breath. "Yes." was his only reply. "want to tell me why?" "no." (Darius replied) "i don't like it." She insisted scooting from him for the second time. He moved closer "want to tell me why?" he parroted. "No" she parroted right back.”

“We walk into the lobby of the hotel and I try not to grin at the man behind the counter. I refrain from screaming, "I'm going to have sex! With this gorgeous woman. She want to have sex. I didn't even have to ask, she just want to have sex. With me! Can you believe it?" I take deep breaths and try to downplay that this moment is the highlight of my life. Air kicks and high-fives probably wouldn't be a cool more right now.”