“She asked me if I was seeing anybody else, and I said, No, the other woman is invisible.”

“I asked her out on a date, and she said, “Sorry, I can’t see you.” “That’s no problem,” I replied, “I won’t wear my invisible cloak.”

“People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple. I have brains, heart, courage, and most importantly, I have ruby red slippers.”

“I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield.”

“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said she wouldn’t give me all her love, she said nothing about not wanting to give me some of her love.”

“When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours.”

“Yesterday I went to see a doctor. I woke up with a sore throat, congested sinuses, and invisibility. But when I got to the doctor’s office, he refused to see me.”