“She didn’t have the body of the supermodel. But that’s OK, because she didn’t have the face of one either.”

“My coffee cup didn’t come with a sleeve, but that’s OK, because I’m wearing a tank top.”

“She had no mind, but I didn’t mind, because she had a body like an upside down question mark.”

“The lights might have dimmed, but I blinked at that moment so I didn’t notice. I also didn’t notice her love, probably because she never showed or told me.”

“We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re wondering. She died long before I was born, and that’s probably the biggest mistake of my life.”

“My wife won’t talk to me, but that’s OK, because it’s not like I’d listen if she did.”

“Bah, Alzheimer’s. Grandma wouldn’t be so forgetful if she didn’t always have dick on her mind.”