“She grew broccoli, and I grew dentures. We were perfect for each other. Our love disappeared into each other like a box of toothpicks.”

“We were getting a divorce. But not from each other. Then we were going to get married. But not to each other.”

“We made eyes at each other, and then we made love. We also made other things too, like meatloaf.”

“I went dumpster diving the other day, and each of the judges gave me a perfect score of 10.”

“Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other.”

“If Twinkies grew on trees, as nature intended, then I would like to irrigate your fertile valley. When we make love, bring your own knitting equipment.”

“My wife and I make love every night, sometimes even to each other.”