“She had an ass behind her that went on for days. In fact, I’m still talking about her.”

“I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her.”

“I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist.”

“I’m behind you 100%. In fact, I’m so completely behind you that you can’t even see me back there.”

“I’m like a staircase, she was like an elevator, and our relationship never escalated above friendship. I’d like to think we’ll one day be a couple, but I’m not going to wear a fishbowl on my head and dream about it. That wouldn’t be fair to me, her, or the goldfish I’d be displacing.”

“To let her imagine how great a lover I’d be, I ate soup with chopsticks. She went home with another man, but I’ll bet she fantasized about me.”

“There’s always something to talk about, even if you talk about how there is nothing to talk about. Of course, I’m talking about love.”