“She had no mind, but I didn’t mind, because she had a body like an upside down question mark.”

“She didn’t have the body of the supermodel. But that’s OK, because she didn’t have the face of one either.”

“I just broke up with my girlfriend. My wife will be pleased. But first she’ll be displeased, because she didn’t know I had a girlfriend.”

“Bah, Alzheimer’s. Grandma wouldn’t be so forgetful if she didn’t always have dick on her mind.”

“He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.”

“She had a picture of a llama, so under it I wrote, “I didn’t know you knew my brother.”

“She’s the kind of woman where if you give her an inch, she’ll take the whole penis.
 She took all I had, and she didn’t even take me out to coffee.”