“She took off her red pants, the shade of ketchup, to reveal softly tanned legs, like two French fries. But when she brought up price, I knew she was too good to be true. She was definitely NOT off the dollar menu.”

“Even though I knew she needed to get something off her chest, I was hoping it wasn’t her big, beautiful breasts.”

“I could tell I loved her from the moment I saw her, right after she opened the trunk, untied me, and took off my blindfold.”

“I asked her to wear something revealing, so she showed up in a prophet's toga.”

“She’s not showing any interest in me and she looks like she doesn’t want to be here. Should I take off her handcuffs? I thought kidnap victims were supposed to fall in love with their captors?
”

“Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries.”

“And then she walked out of my life forever. Too bad she was hitchhiking. I should have picked her up.”