“She wants the kids, the cars, the house, and the white picket fence. I said sure, I can give you a fence.”

“Rembrandt painted portraits, The Karate Kid painted fences, and I paint my toenails. But I’m not a snob, I still consider those other two guys to be artists.
”

“I asked if she wanted kids. She said her clock is ticking. I said, That’s because I set it five minutes ahead when you weren’t looking.”

“Neighbors, I’m on the fence about them.”

“I want a white car that turns red when I’m embarrassed.”

“If I could build my own neighbors, I’d have no need to build a fence. I would tell you, “I would tell you, but you wouldn’t understand,” but you wouldn’t understand what you wouldn’t understand.”

“I want a one-bedroom house with cup holders. I want to live in my car, and make the road my home.”