“So that was how I spent nine months of my life. I felt like I was pregnant, except instead of giving life, I was wasting mine.”

“Being in the womb was like taking a nine-month bath. I wanted to take a shower, but no matter how hard I kicked, or how loud I screamed, my mom wouldn’t listen.”

“I was nine minutes late for my last birthday party. And I was nine months on time for my first birthday.”

“My dreams died nine months before I was born
”

“In the future, it’ll be my child, but it will be my child’s life, so I must name it not for me, but for it. I like how that sounds. I think I’ll call it “It.” Boy or girl, It is perfect.
”

“My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up petting a painting instead. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“I meant to spend the day writing, but instead I spent the afternoon cleaning out my belly button. Historians will thank me one day.”