“Some men eat dinner with silverware. Some use chopsticks. I prefer zippers.”

“I’m so hungry I could eat some silverware.”

“I don’t understand people who eat Chinese food with chopsticks when the restaurant also offers silverware. As a tool, chopsticks are inferior to western utensils like the spoon and fork. So why use them? That’s like showing up to a math test with an abacus, knowing that the teacher is going to be handing out calculators.”

“Though I can and sometimes do use chopsticks, I much prefer using my hands to pee.”

“A young man who had watched her eating with her fingers offered a set of chopsticks- those sticks for eating that had become so popular. He looked at her suggestively. Instead of blushing, she accepted the chopsticks boldly and continued to walk on, using them to eat noodle and vegetable dishes.”

“The zipper on my crotch is an air vent. I need some way to cool down my hot coffee.”