“Something can be humorous without being funny. The difference is when it’s humorous, a person says, “That’s funny,” and when it’s funny, a person can’t say anything because they’re too busy laughing.”

“I want to be a standup economist, because isn’t money funny? Actually, without gold backing our currency, it’s all funny money.”

“I think you’re funny, and the toilet sounds like a soda can opening when it flushes. It’s a diet soda, so it’s less filling and more fattening.”

“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was absent.”

“There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny.”

“I have three sets of humor. One I keep in a bag of salt, because it’s the dry one.
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“I would say exploit the stupid, because they’re expendable and loyal, but it’s a fact: politicians are not loyal.”