“Sometimes I give automated responses to people without even listening to what they say. For example, someone might tell me, “Enjoy the movie,” and I’ll say, “Thanks, you too.” Or, someone will say, “Enjoy your meal,” and I’ll reply, “Thanks, I wish I were eating your pussy.”

“I’ll wipe a booger on your wall, not only to say I was here, but also to say thanks for having me over.”

“I’ll wipe a booger on your living room wall, not only to show I was there, but also to say thanks for having me over.”

“Sometimes I’ll forget a utensil’s name, and I’ll say, “Give me that pointy thing,” as I point with my pointy finger.”

“If I were a hermaphrodite, and someone told me to go fuck myself, I'd reply, "Why thank you. I think I will!”

“There’s no way to tell you the bad news without saying it, so I’ll say it with body language.”

“If you ask me to describe what I look like, I’ll simply say, “I look like my clone.”