“Sometimes I put on a black scuba suit and go walking on the beach, to relax. If I could, I’d sleep in a scuba suit—on a waterbed. Not that I actually ever get in the ocean. Too many dangerous things in the water, like barracudas, sharks, and of course there are many lawyers here on the east coast.”

“A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted a non-sequitur detective. Don't worry, he didn't follow me.”

“I explore my subconscious the way Cousteau explored the sea: with a scuba tank and a smile.”

“Love is like Atlantis, OK? And I’m just a humble scuba diver searching for treasure that I can exchange for sexual favors.”

“I haven't met many lawyers that I didn't like. But then again, I haven't met many lawyers.”

“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.”

“I floated like driftwood in the ocean. I wasn’t worried about sharks, because my bathtub is much too shallow.”