“Sometimes I wish Jim Morrison were still alive, because I'd love to see a concert in which "The Doors" opened up for "The Cars.”

“I’ve wrestled an alligator before. It wasn’t alive, but I still pinned it down. I was trying to impress a woman, and I bet I did, because she went home with another man—but she was smiling, probably wishing he were me.”

“A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love Door open, because my ex just shit all in there.
”

“I carry a door with me wherever I go, because one, it’s symbolic for the opportunities that’ll open up for me, and two, I want to be the best door-to-door salesman who sells doors, so I carry a sample with me everywhere.”

“Doors open up for you when you work hard. Doors also open up for you when you walk with a limp and act gimpy.”

“I wish the masses of people would all follow my advice, because I'd throw it off a cliff.”

“Fear is healthy. I wish it came in a pill. I'd bottle it up and sell it to little children and the elderly.”