“Sorry I’m late. Traffic was nonexistent.”

“There’s truth in only having a bicycle seat. I used to skip class and just hold it out in the hallway. When teachers would ask me what I was doing, I’d hold it up and say, “Sorry I’m late.”

“I’m running late. But that’s OK, because I’m wearing Nikes.”

“4 am—if I’m ever up that early, it’s because I’m up that late.”

“I put the “Dan” in Danger. I’m sorry, Dan.”

“The time is now 3:34. Damn! I’m late for 3:33.”

“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—she really must be late. I’m going to be a father!”