“Speaking of grandmas, have you heard the joke about grandparents and WWII? No? Well, if you do, be sure to tell me because I’d like to hear it too.”

“There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny.”

“I heard some interesting things about your performance up here.""I hear interesting things about your 'performance' all the time Doug, but you don't hear me making jokes about it.”

“It thought about the magic that happens when you tell a story right, and everybody who hears it not only loves the story, but they love you a little bit, too, for telling it so well. Like I love Ms. Washington, in spite of myself, the first time I heard her. When you hear somebody read a story well, you can't help but think there's some good inside them, even if you don't know them.”

“They was this rich fella, an he makes like he’s poor, an they’s this rich girl, an she purtends like she’s poor too, an’ they meet in a hamburg’ stan’Why?I don’t know why-that’s how it was.Why’d they purtend like they’s poor?Well, they’re tired of bein’ rich.Horseshit!You want to hear this, or not?Well, go on then. Sure, I wanta hear it, but if I was rich, if I was rich I’d get so many pork chops-I’d cord ‘em up aroun’ me like wood, an’ I’d eat my way out. Go on.”

“You’re green. Tell me you have the flu.”“No.”“The shoulder?”“Yeah.”“Well, fuck me.”“I’d rather not.”