“Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs.”

“Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs and then come back up? Same destination, same distance, same amount of work, but two different paths. Who knows, I might find love on one path. Probably the path I don’t choose. 
”

“If my penis were big enough to be mistaken for a leg, I am not sure I'd want the world to know. However, I would walk up and down the stairs a lot. What you'd call masturbation, I'd call exercise.”

“Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration.”

“The escalator doesn’t work, and you’d think they’d still be used as stairs, but in this economic depression, even the stairs are unemployed.”

“I’m going to go up on my way down. I’m just a sideways sort of person.”

“You’ll know the economy is dead when industry stops and escalators turn into stairs. That’ll be the day slinkies take over the world.”