“Standing in cat litter is not the same as walking on the beach. Trust me, you can’t pee on the beach.”

“Walking on the beach like a ventriloquist, I’ll make it sound like the ocean is calling out to you—through a conch shell.”

“From where I live now I can walk to the beach, if I have about three weeks.”

“I live in Florida, and when people ask how close to the beach I am, I say, “Twelve minutes or twelve hours. Depends on which beach you want to go to.”

“The coast is clear. Not a beached whale in sight.”

“Most people walk along the beach hoping to find a fossilized Megalodon shark’s tooth or something. But not me. I walk along hoping to find a fossilized pirate with a fossilized wooden leg, for my collection, which I’ll start once I find the first one.”

“I met her at the beach. Her name was Shelly.”