“Surrealist Tip # 7: Sleep through numbers 1-6. Write down your dreams while you sleep, sleep as fast as you can, but try not to get a ticket—and don’t let the honking of other drivers wake you up.”

“In my dream I woke up to realize I was tired and needed to go to sleep. Then I slowly remembered that I was asleep, but that I needed to wake up and write this down. Blah.”

“Dreams have one-way doors—the door you enter cannot be exited from, and the door you exit from cannot be used for reentry. And I just want to sell tickets to an event people will pay to sleep through.”

“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.”

“I had to be at work at 8 am this morning, so I set my alarm clock for 7:49. Naturally, my body woke my brain up at 1:11 precisely, and I laid in bed trying to convince myself two things: one, that I function better on little sleep, and two, that I am a genetically modified human that requires 1/8th the required sleep of organically grown men.”

“I’m romantic. I’ll try to make your bed while you’re still sleeping in it.”

“You can’t be the best all the time. But that’s what clones are for—to be you while you sleep.”