“Take pride in your workweek, not your weak work.”

“I wish I had five wives, one for each day of the workweek. This would leave me the weekends to enjoy time with my two mistresses.”

“With intellectual labor your hard work is forever, while with manual labor your hard work is temporary and soon forgotten.”

“Ma’am, I can take either you or your purse, but I can’t take both. And honestly, I’d rather take your purse.”

“Masturbation, like writing, is best when your mind is working faster than your hand.”

“Let the best of your competition take out the rest of your competition, while you rest and then take out only that one guy.”

“If your toaster isn’t working, stick your sword in the bread slot, and see if that doesn’t improve its behavior.”