“Taxes and Texas—they have the same letters, but only one can go to hell.”

“People come and people go, but only a magical person can come and go at the same time.”

“Taxidermy and taxes go together like peanut butter and sodomy. Can somebody get me two slices of bread?”

“Sword and words—same letters, and same ability to cut down.”

“Factor in the fact that factories should only hire people they make themselves, I believe, and you can see why I want to be self-employed and own a factory. This would mean I’d have thousands of clones of myself working for me. Think about it. I’ll increase my income thousands of times over, but I’ll only be paying tax for one person. 
”

“Being in love is like being lit on fire and having your loved one morph into a marshmallow as she runs to embrace you. But not being in love feels so much worse, possibly like being a tax collector. Actually, nothing compares to the lowliness of a tax collector.
”

“Am I going crazy, or am I the only one who can hear the silence?”