“Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one—especially if that one is me.”

“I love teamwork. I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win.”

“The best part about teamwork, is me collecting all the prize money. Hey, that’s what captains are for, right?”

“Too much nudity is a turn off. Especially if all that flesh is on one person.”

“It’s amazing how my whole body can be covered up in bed except for one inch on my shoulders and I’ll be cold. But when I pull the blanket up all the way, all of one inch, miraculously I’m warm. One inch makes a difference, especially to a man with a two-inch penis.”

“We made love like I make grilled cheese sandwiches. I had no idea what I was doing, but she melted into me all the same.”

“I like to feel like just one of the guys. Especially when I hang out with the girls.”