“Thank goodness women aren’t as superficial as men. Where would a guy like me be if all women cared about were looks? The plastic surgeon’s office, that’s where.”

“Here’s a list of three character qualities women should look for in a guy, in descending order: Looks like me, thinks like me, is me.”

“The best part about having kids is not actually having to have kids. Thank you, women.”

“Men and women think about love differently. The main difference is that men simply don’t think about it.”

“Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!).
”

“Men are from vaginas, and women are from women.”

“A blanket could be used to divide people. All men who oppose me should get on top of the blanket, and all women who support me would be well advised get naked and get under the blanket. One at a time, please. 
”