“The abbreviation for Brazil, BRA, makes me think of breasts. I have no idea why.”

“Arizona is the A to Z of abbreviations.”

“What makes you think of me? Don’t say nothing. The answer is I make you think of me. And I’ll make you do it at gunpoint.”

“I make love like I make lasagna. Makes me hungry just thinking about it.”

“Both sexes have assholes, and both sexes have nipples. Yet only asshole is a genderless derogatory term. In the name of equality and linguistic diversity, I’m going to start using the word nipple as a synonym for asshole. Example: “Bra, you’re being an asshole.” “Nah, bra, you’re being the nipple.”

“I’d never own a Hooters, because while I may be the face of the franchise, people only ever look at the breasts. Makes me feel like a piece of meat—medium rare, with melted cheese on top.”

“Business idea: People like to eat and drive, so why not make edible cars? Instead of gasoline, they’d run on coffee.”