“The ability to gauge intelligence is itself a form of intelligence. Monkeys don’t ponder how smart monkeys are. Ditto for politicians.”

“It’s not true I think all politicians are morons. Morons are far too intelligent to be politicians.”

“I want to invent a Laughometer, a device to measure and gauge humor, which would be used for comedians. And politicians.”

“I am the orangutan of love. OK, who am I kidding? I’m merely the love monkey.”

“Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank monkey mouth with you—twice.”

“Don’t just compare yourself to the best, compare yourself to the average man and also to yourself when you started out. Compare yourself to the best so you have a goal of what to surpass, compare yourself to the average man so you gain confidence in your abilities, and compare yourself to where you were so you can appreciate how far you’ve come—and gauge how far you have to go to be the best and how long it will take.”

“I don’t think he’s dumber than a politician. But only because it’s not possible to be dumber than a politician.”